


you were so in love

by collieflower



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Existential Crisis, M/M, POV Finn (Star Wars), Pining, Poe Dameron is so in love with Finn, Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Relationship, and that's facts, lowkey Finn doesnt know his place in the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22351756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collieflower/pseuds/collieflower
Summary: "Do you take everyone who's saved your life back to your family?" Finn teased."Nah. Only the debonair ex-Stormtroopers," Poe murmured, leaning in close and dropping his voice like it was a secret. His hand snaked between them. Finn inched away, hands bracing on the bed behind him."Oh yeah?"
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 133





	you were so in love

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this before i saw TROS and was planning on it just being like a vague AU where they just like. defeated palpy no biggie. It's still that honestly it's just a little more detailed. there's not really spoilers? it's kind of canon divergent
> 
> really the most au-thing about it is that Shara Bey is alive, and Poe has sisters, because i wanted poe to be a mama's boy growing up with sisters because that's just a cute image. and a concept im going to revisit at a later date
> 
> so dont come for me !! i know shara is dead !! (rip in peace smh) and i know not all of this lines up with canon. but this is my first sw fic and im still getting the hang of all the lore especially since im getting back into it as an Individual instead of like It's Star Wars We Like Star Wars Because We Like Star Wars
> 
> okay enjoy the read

The war was all consuming. A maelstrom of proton blasts and explosions and endless recon missions and debriefing sessions. Countless lives lost, even more lives saved. Families that could continue to grow and _live_.

And then it was over. All at once, it was over.

Finn, for the first time in his life, was free.

Maybe _free_ was too liberal a term. He was without responsibility — and on the other side of that coin, he was without purpose.

To try and keep himself occupied today, he’d cleaned out his cramped quarters. It hadn’t taken him long. His life in the base fit into the dense jungles of Ajan Kloss was condensed into one Resistance issued duffle sitting lonely in the middle of the empty room. Finn himself was left sitting on the edge of his sorry little cot, staring a hole in the metal plating of the wall ahead

Since escaping the Finalizer — the beginning of his noncompliance with the New Order. The birth of his name. The beginning of _Finn_ — he’d amassed a few personal items. Little trinkets of people he’d come to know thanks to the Resistance. Souvenirs and memorabilia to remind him of people he’d lost, and to keep him thankful for those he’d been fortunate enough to keep. All of these things were crammed into the duffle, wrapped in his spare clothes to keep them secure.

Poe’s jacket was hooked over his desk chair, the only familiar thing left to decorate the clinically clean quarters. He could still smell the chemicals he used to scrub the walls and floors. He let himself tune out, muddled in the smell and memories of others and another life before his own as he did his work.

He let himself remember his shiftmates, remember their names and voices, what he sometimes imagined their faces to look like, and let himself be taken by the distraction. It didn’t work for long; his quarters weren’t very large. He was back to himself in no time, muddle in his own head in his own room, sat down, stewing in his own dilemma.

For the first time in Finn’s life, he didn’t know what to do. He had no family, no home. It seemed that everyone Finn knew was pulled in their own directions. To their families and the lives they’d left before they picked up their part in the war.

He knew groups of soldiers and pilots who went off together, eager to find their place in the galaxy. They would find a nice planet and make a homestead together. Family in numbers, created through bonds forged in battle and the fear of not living through the next day.

Finn didn’t have that. Finn had Rey, who was off on her own again. She was working towards great things in the Force — things Finn couldn’t wait to see come to fruition.

The corpse of the New Order was still warm as she held Finn’s face between her hands. Pride swam in her eyes, so rich that he felt it swell through him, too. She asked what he and Poe were going to do next. He couldn’t remember what he’d told her, but it satisfied her enough that she felt that she could leave him — _them_ , she assumed — and continue on her journey. She left while the floor was still sticky with drinks raised in celebration. 

Being on his own wouldn’t be so bad. If Rey could do it, he could too.

(A little voice in the back of his head reminded him that Rey had Chewie and Skywalker’s old astromech, R2-D2. She had a ship and most importantly a _destination_. A purpose. It stung to watch Rey leave, but the doubt she left behind festered in Finn until he could think of nothing else.)

He would catch a ride with one of the groups heading off-planet. From there, who knew. After all, he was free. Maybe he’d find a small planet with rich crops and small, waterlogged villages, where the people were friendly and knew very little of the Resistance and the New Order and _Stormtroopers_.

People spoke like their time in the Resistance was akin shackles, weighted imprisonment. To Finn, it was freedom. His first taste of something that felt _right_. A purpose that settled easily in his stomach like the first meal after a hard day’s work. He was reluctant to leave, but there was little here for him, now.

But he had to make that first step.

He’d been sitting on the lip of this cot for the past three-quarters of an hour, thinking in circles like a dog trying to catch his tail. _Over and over, and over_.

To move was to get on with his life. It was to turn his back on the Resistance and strike out on his own. Alone in the big, wide universe with nothing but the bag between his feet and the jacket from a man who’d become Finn’s center of gravity. To stand was to stop hiding and find the transport off-planet.

Finn would have to scoop Poe’s jacket off the back of that chair, march out of his quarters, and really, finally accept that he’d never see the man again.

Because that was the real issue here, wasn’t it?

Round and round he ran in _circles_. This was the part of the circuit that made Finn’s stomach roll and dip. People were leaving the base to return to their lives, or to rebuild them, or make new while Finn felt like he’d taken another TIE fighter for a joy ride.

Poe was due to leave today. He was returning home. He had a family, a father and mother and sisters. Farmland to be worked and a life to adjust back to. He’d had booked his ticket off-base as soon as he’d unclipped his helmet.

Of course there was always more to do; the political affairs were never excluded from war efforts. Poe Dameron was a Rebel golden boy, and people said he would be paraded by like a show fathier. Poe would have no part in it. He’d told Finn that he was ready to go home. Maybe he would come back, but for now, he wanted to see his mother. He wanted to go home.

Finn clapped him on the back and congratulated him. He didn’t think about the space in his chest that was voided, where in Poe’s it was overflowing.

He didn’t promise to be fine. Poe didn’t ask, too high on his own affairs to consider.

When Poe asked Finn of his plans, Finn told him that he and Rey were going to take over the galaxy. Poe laughed and said that it was only a matter of time.

Now Finn was hiding.

Finn was hiding, and Poe was set to leave in just a few hours. Finn saw him last night and gave him his goodbyes. He’d squared his shoulders and wished Poe luck. He didn’t last all of fifteen seconds before Poe was dragging him in for the tightest hug Finn had ever received.

Last night Finn went to bed cold. In the morning, he woke up with stones lining his stomach. It was in the effort to dislodge them that led him to go through the motions of packing his room and sterilizing every inch of the dull metal walls.

There was no sense in it, really. Finn could stay with the base as long as he wanted. There was always a place for him among the troops that remained. Just because the war was won didn’t mean the Resistance was disbanded. There was politics to sort through, tiny factions of the New Order to be put under control. The base was still teeming with new volunteers and veterans who somehow still had the stamina to keep fighting.

For Finn, Poe had made this base a home. He couldn’t stand the idea of living in their space without the man that made it _home_ . Poe was the one Finn took his meals with, who Finn had thrown to the training mats more times than either of them could keep track of. They’d explored the land beyond the base together. Poe told Finn stories of his home, or from his time in the academy — for every colorful memory Finn had before the Resistance and freedom from the First Order, Poe had five from a full, colorful life _lived_.

Poe had taken Finn and gave him a name and a home. And now Poe was leaving. The very thought of continuing on without him was sickening.

So Finn made plans to leave the base.

His plans were just more flexible than Poe’s in the sense that he really didn’t have any.

Someone punched the buzzer to his room. _Loudly_ , he noted with a huff.

 _Urgently_ , his mind slotted in less than a second later.

He was across the room and opening the door in less than an instant. He’d scooped Poe’s jacket up on the way and was half-way into it when the metal panel slid open. He wasn’t sure what he was getting ready for — age-old fight reflexes trained into him since the day he was stolen screaming at him to find orders and carry them out to their letter — but he wanted to be ready. He was running through a mental checklist of places and people with blasters, only to find Poe standing in the hallway.

Poe’s hand was still raised, jamming two fingers into the call button.

“Finally,” Poe huffed, stuffing his hands in his pockets, a grin sliding onto his mouth. He’d gotten a new jacket some time ago. It was regulation, warm and flexible, but a little scratchy around the arms. Finn knew this because he’d tried to wear the one they’d given him but had given up within a day, sloughing back to the well-worn leather of Poe’s jacket without an ounce of shame. “Hey buddy.” Poe’s eyebrows jumped as he took Finn in for all he was worth.

It reminded Finn of when Poe would go on missions. Those were the evaluating eyes of a strategist, trying to find a path that would leave the least casualties.

Finn knew how hollow those eyes became when the count became higher than _none_. 

“I thought your shuttle would have left by now.” The words tumbled out of Finn’s mouth before he knew to catch them, clattering to the floor between the men like a child’s lost blocks.

Finn knew the shuttle wouldn’t leave for another hour.

He knew that Poe had come to say goodbye.

“Not yet. Uh… Op’nei is running last diagnostics so we have a while to go.” His eyes were soft, full of so much light. If the Maker permitted it, Finn wanted nothing else but to be able to stare into those eyes forever. “Can I—can I come in, pal? Got something I wanna talk to you about.”

Finn blinked at him. “Of course.” He shuffled out of the way and waved him in. He had to lean out of the door to spot BB-8 hovering near the end of the corridor. She beeped and swiveled, but didn’t make a move to join them, so Finn ducked back in his door, leaving it open just in case she decided to rejoin them.

Poe shuffled and looked around the room, snatching Finn’s attention back to himself. He was buzzing with a restless energy Finn couldn’t pick apart, licking at Poe’s fingers and pushing beneath his boots. Almost as if someone had stuck sand mites down his pants before he’d come down. Finn didn’t know what to do with him.

Poe didn’t carry a bag, but Finn figured it was already in the bay, or perhaps already loaded in the ship. Even without the bags, or BB-8 right at his side, he was still dressed for travel. Today was the day.

The reality of it all sunk in further like a broken TIE fighter in the starving sands of Jakku.

Finn’s hands twitched at his sides. It was better to think about that than about the building pressure behind his eyes.

“You’re already packed,” Poe noticed softly, pointing to the duffle sitting half-tucked under the bed. “When does your shuttle leave?”

“Ah, it, uhm—.” Finn backed up until the backs of his knees hit the mattress. He sat down, an odd mirror of his previous position before Poe’s arrival, and braced his hands on his thighs. He wished BB-8 was here to fill the silence with her incessant chattering and sass Finn just couldn’t quite keep up with. As it was, it just filtered out to silence. Poe stood before him, waiting patiently as Finn had ever seen him wait for anything. Finn tried to figure out how to unknot his tongue. “It doesn’t.”

The confession was quiet. His fingers dug into his pants leg, and he stared hard into Poe’s knees.

“Did something go wrong?” he asked. He hooked a thumb into his waistband, shifting his center of gravity along with the weight in his feet.

Finn shook his head. “No, I just. Changed my mind.” He sucked in a breath and dropped his eyes to the bag between his feet. The toe of his boot shifted the strap before he planted his heel. “Found out it was a desert planet they were headed to. Thought I’d try to keep the sand out of my shoes for a little while.”

Poe snorted. “You know, buddy, Yavin IV is almost in monsoon season,” he settled down on the bed next to Finn. His hand is resting between them, his pinky just brushing the outline of Finn’s thigh. “Could trade sand for an insurmountable amount of rain.” Finn braced his hand beside him, but didn’t dare touch. He thought if he touched, he would hold on and never let go. “There’s always room with us,” Poe went on.

Finn’s head jerked up, catching Poe’s eyes frantically.

Poe raised his hands between them in defense, backtracking. “Hey—Just until you get on your feet,” he assured Finn. It _sounded_ like an assurance. “You can stay as long as you like. I would say as long as they’ll have you, but if I know my family, they’re not gonna let you leave.” His mouth picked up in a grin, and his hand rested on Finn’s knee. “I don’t know many people who would run you off.”

“I could think of a few.”

“Well, so could I.” They shared an easy grin, and Finn felt himself falling into their rhythm.

“‘Won’t let me leave’, huh? It sounds like you’re threatening me.”

Poe laughed, his chin tilting back. The tension cracked, splintering until it fell, forgotten. “Threatening? No, only acting in my best self interest.”

Finn’s smile slipped, and he raised an eyebrow. “Self interest?”

“Yeah. Obviously.” He rolled his eyes and pulled back just enough to turn to face Finn directly. “When there’s a strong, stunning young man around the place, you’ll get to do all the chores.”

“Flying’s made you soft, Dameron,” Finn informed him.

Poe snorted. “Maybe, but you weren’t complaining when _you_ needed a pilot and _I_ was there.” The horrifying confession snaking itself to the front of Finn’s mouth sat trembling in excitement, ready to jump. Talk about how _when Poe was there, everything was alright_ hovered against his soft palate. ”You sure know how to pick ‘em, pal.” Poe winked, grinning like a wolf.

Finn rolled his eyes. “There weren’t plenty of Rebel pilots to choose from at the time,“ he reminded him.

“Oh, give me a pass. And Finn, buddy, you really haven’t seen these animals. They’ll eat you for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Maybe they’ll save you and eat you for all three.” He glanced around the room and slapped his knees before looking back to Finn. “So will you?” His eyes held such intensity, something in Finn’s chest twisted, sharp like a blade, but gentle on the upstroke.

“Eat you over the period of three meals?” A shaky grin pulled at his mouth, and he nodded twice in the direction of the door. “There’s better things in the caf. And that’s not saying much, Poe.”

“No.” Poe’s eyes flitted over Finn’s face. There was the smallest jut of his chin, something to call Finn’s eyes back to his own from where they were trailing down to trace the lines of his mouth. “Will you come?”

Oh. “You’re sure it’s alright?” he breathed. He nudged his bag farther under the edge of the bed with the heel of his boot.

“What, are you kidding me? You’ve saved my life more times than I’ve cared to keep track of.”

Finn nudged his boot. “BB-8 and I have a list.”

Poe stared at him, his brow quirked. “Of course you do.” He pitched his eyes skyward. “What I’m saying is, you’re always welcome in my home. Without the list.”

“Itemized, alphabetized, chronologically…”

Poe bumped their shoulders together. Finn came back, and Poe had a hand on his elbow. “You’ve always got a place with me if you want it. The choice is yours, buddy. But I feel like I should tell you that my family does expect to meet you at some point. To thank you for everything. And there probably will be a welcome mat.”

Finn’s knuckles grazed Poe’s pants as he thought it over. A place. A home. Where Finn thought his options were bad and worse, things were beginning to clear up. He no longer felt like he was being taken under by torrent waters, or swallowed by hungry sands. His head was clearing, but the urge to hold on only grew stronger.

The pilot dropped his hand from Finn’s elbow, tapping his thumb at a seam in Finn’s clothing. “And not to sway you in any way, but BeeBee would be devastated.”

“Do you take everyone who’s saved your life back to your family?” Finn asked, brows coming together in a curious furrow.

“Only the debonaire Stormtroopers,” Poe murmured, leaning in close and dropping his voice like it was a secret. His hand snaked between them. Finn inched away, hands bracing on the bed behind him.

Finn frowned at him. “Debonaire?” he questioned. It wasn’t a word he was familiar with, but with the tone of Poe’s voice, Finn thought he could pick up the context clue.

True to form, Poe’s mouth quirked up on a smirk. He dipped forward, but as soon as he got within a hair's breadth of Finn he stood, grinning like a fool. He had the strap of Finn’s bag in his hands, holding it just an inch off the floor.

“Whaddya say, Finn?”

There wasn’t even another thought in Finn’s mind. He grinned up at Poe, still reclined back on the bed. “ _And_ you’re going to carry my bag to the ship? Lead the way, General Dameron.” He caught the bag to his chest with an _oomph_. It knocked him on his back, and he had to stay there for a few seconds longer than strictly necessary otherwise the swooping in his stomach might’ve made him sick.

This time, standing up was so much easier. Especially when he knew he was going to be met with those eyes when he did. He tossed the duffle over his shoulder and Poe wrapped an arm around his back, leading him to the hanger. 

”Let’s get your bag on the ship and then grab a drink,” he said, “We might sooner die of Op’nei flying us than anything we’ve faced so far.”

Finn gave him a critical look. “Why don’t you fly the ship then, Mr. Hotshot?”

“Oh? You didn’t hear? I’m retired. I fly on my own time, now.” He winked at Finn and led down the corridor. BB-8 caught up to them quickly, and Finn greeted her lovingly, putting down his duffle to do so. She’d claimed to know Finn would come with them the whole time. Poe was just doubtful to be dramatic.

Finn laughed and agreed with her, even though he told her that he was the dramatic one.

Poe scooped up Finn’s bag and rolled his eyes, hurrying them along so they wouldn’t be late.

With his bag of belongings in Poe’s hands, Poe’s jacket on Finn’s shoulders, and BB-8 beside them, Finn let the hanger door slide shut behind them, shutting one chapter of his life as he stared into the brilliant unknown.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! i actually spent a lot of time on this h a h
> 
> please comment! put me on blast for the inaccuracies if you want. i have a lot of feelings about finn making references to the rebels (dont even taLK to me about "you've always been scum"/"yeah. rebel scum.")
> 
> here's my [tumblr](https://littlemumman.tumblr.com/)
> 
> EEP ROSE I FORGOT ABOUT THAT LITTLE LESBIAN SMGDFH oh my god. i have committed a sin. oh well it's done now, there's always next time


End file.
